You can tell who isn’t going to make it, and oftentimes you are right, but it is still always a shock. A gutting hollowing shock.
When he called you refused to take his call. You became afraid of him. You shrank from him, avoided him, even though you loved him and you felt guilty about doing so, you consciously chose denial.
One time when you pretended to sleep you watched him inch carefully around your bedroom until he found what he had come for, your wallet. He helped himself to all your cash and then he tiptoed away. You didn’t have what it took to face the monster. You preferred to pretend to sleep.
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