In all these years, since that first hubby, and this includes the second hubby, I have never again met a mate who said yes without hesitation.

It has been a shock.

I thought hubby was saying yes because my suggestions were superb. After all, I thought they were, else why would I proffer them? And he always said yes.

He too proposed the oddest of suggestions and I also said yes. Not to acquiesce. But because I was enthused by an original proposal. Wanna see the equator? Yes!

We moved constantly, moving into friends empty houses, in Paris, in Morocco, in Costa Rica, in Colombia, in the rural northern Virginia estate of Rudolf Nureyev. A stone house with a piano in each room.

Since I split from that first marriage I’ve encountered a couple fine men. I married one of them. But none were brave in that excitable way I had thought was universal.

It was in me. It was in my first husband. I thought this exuberance for the wild was in everyone. Turns out I was decidedly wrong.

I have known grown men who won’t go outside in the rain.

A slap in the face was to find something I took for granted was impossibly rare. Had I known would I have walked away?

I think about that.

Meanwhile, I love living alone, I love quiet. I wouldn’t share anything smaller than a castle. I love not being awaken in the morning, or afternoon. I like not answering questions. I like not having responsibilities. I don’t want anyone leaning on me. I am standing.


I would like to know more people not afraid of the rain.