News From LARS

Latest News from the Large Animal Research Station

One Jasper of South Africa is currently under observation at LARS. Dark, slim and 33 Jasper says he is in the United States to find a wife. He says his understanding of a ‘relationship’ is that the woman takes care of the food, and the man builds a house. He described how he enlarged his mother’s kitchen, back home, with walls of bundled reeds. He chattered excitedly telling me how there’s a girl he likes, “I’m hunting for a wife, you know?” But he fell off his scooter right in front of her and now she no longer replies to his texts.

I, however, was fixated by his footwear, and I couldn’t help myself from asking him about the very strange looking shoes, like woven rubber baskets, “Are those made from truck tires?” Jasper nodded yes, they were.
“Did you make them yourself?” I was stunned

After recovering my breath, I said, “In this country, no one will be expecting you to build them a house of reeds, but the ladies do care about shoes. Go get yourself some sneakers ASAP!!”
“But these will last forever!” Jasper implored.

I used my minimal Swahili on him (because I don’t know any Zulu) and told him, “Mass Mali (sp?)” Which means, Take them away!!!

I’ll keep you posted on Jasper’s progress with the hunt.